make the most of being single

Make the Most Of Being Single

It’s that time of year where being single may seem lonely, or annoying since everyone in your family will likely start asking questions about “why are you single?”, “When will you get married?”. Whether you’re single, on your way out of a relationship you’re not really into, or dealing with a breakup, don’t let the time of year bring you down or prevent you from moving forward with singlehood.

Dealing with the questions, the comments, and the unsolicited advice on how to settle down, how to find the one, and what you could possibly be doing wrong is the single most frustrating thing ever. I’ve gone through it enough to know. It makes you feel like it’s all your fault, entirely in your control (and you’re screwing it up), and as if being single means you’re lacking in some way.

Let me assure you (and anyone who’s made you feel this way) you’re not lacking, it’s not all your fault, and being in a relationship/getting married is not an accomplishment (I said what I said).

Here, I’d like to get into how to make the most of being single. Because it’s the one time of life as a single adult woman that you can do exactly what you want and figure yourself out.

Below are a few suggestions on how to accomplish this. 

How To Make The Most of Being Single

Cut All Ties With Your Ex(s) and Toxic Connections

Remaining in contact with your ex, whether online, via text, or in-person, is a bad idea. So anyone you’re hanging on to, even for entertainment purposes, needs to go. Even if the two of you ended the relationship amicably and hope to maintain your friendship, you need time apart to assess and heal. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster that’s hard to get off. 

Cutting ties may mean deleting their contact information, unfollowing them on social media, or distancing yourself from mutual friends. If the breakup was horrible and you want to get away from it all, you might even consider moving. Try somewhere new! A random spot like Fort Lauderdale, or moving to a big city like Manhattan, NY, might be just what you need to heal your wounds and fall in love with your singleness. 

In order to move forward, it’s important to let go. This holds true not just for relationships but friendships as well. Take a look around and see who your true friends really are and hang on to them. By freeing up your time from toxic people, you make room for better!

Reflect On Life Lessons Learned

While you could spend your days dreaming about when things were good or harping on how they did you wrong, try to shift your focus on the lessons that your dating experiences have given you. Everything happens for a reason, including the people you meet and the heartbreak you experience. Look for the lessons.

To really grow as a person and move forward better and improved, you have to learn what life is teaching you. Otherwise, you’ll end up meeting the same people and dealing with the same experiences over and over until you get it. I’m sure you can look back and realize that the guys you date are similar. It’s probably because the lesson hasn’t been learned yet. I, too, have been down this rabbit hold.

Take some time and be intentional with how you reflect on your past. What have you noticed/learned about people and about yourself? Are there things you could do better in the future? Being open and honest with yourself and learning from it ultimately allows you to be a better partner in the future as well. 

Rediscover Yourself

Maintaining your individuality in a relationship is recommended, but most women find that they lose themselves. The great thing about being single is you can easily prioritize your needs and get back to loving the woman you are.

You have a chance to do things while you’re single that may be difficult to do while you’re in a relationship. Get back into your favorite hobbies, switch up your hairstyle, buy yourself a new wardrobe, travel the world, take lessons, and simply spend time putting your happiness first.

The more time you invest in yourself, and know yourself, the easier it is to be single, and the more discerning you learn to become when you start dating again. After all, you don’t want to lose yourself to another person!

Prioritize Health And Wellness

If you’re going through stuff, then you may want to wallow and isolate yourself. By all means, do what you have to do for yourself, but don’t linger there. Your health and wellness are essential to overcome adversity, and to feel better about yourself.

Make efforts to continue eating balanced meals, exercising regularly, and getting good quality sleep every night. If you’re really struggling and feeling down, reach out to trusted people to talk, or consider using the services of a therapist. In other words, find healthy ways to cope with overwhelming emotions. Taking care of your health and wellness will give you the strength you need to move forward and to being your best self.

Focus On Your Career

Career moves can be tricky, especially when your decisions are also influenced by a partner. Being single allows you to make moves, make choices based on exactly what you need/want/desire for your future.

Use your time to see if career changes are in order to help you feel fulfilled and/or grow and become financially independent and secure. Now is the time to try new things, get to where you want to be and to do exactly as you see fit in that regard.

Get Comfortable Being Alone

There’s is absolutely no need to rush into new relationships, friendships or situations. Put away the dating apps for a little while and take a break from those awkward first dates. You don’t need to be constantly dating in order to find “the one”. Do you need to be open and willing to meet people? Sure, but you don’t need to make a career out of it.

What you do need to do while you’re single is get comfortable living alone and being lonely. Do things by yourself, and not just hobbies as listed above. Take yourself out on a date. Go on a solo trip. Teach yourself something that maybe you used to rely on other people for. Use your time alone to learn to fend for yourself. Learn to rely on yourself to get out of the loneliness.

Knowing how to be alone is a powerful thing. It makes it a lot harder for you to be fooled by someone’s words; it makes you very protective of your time and peace; and helps you realize your own strengths.

Final Thoughts

Being single is hard, but no matter what you’re going through, it’s important to take care of yourself and find ways to regain and maintain your balance. If you’re going through a breakup, give yourself time to heal, and you should allow yourself to get to a place where you feel whole before you find someone new or start dating again. You want to be a whole person who adds to their life; not someone looking to fulfill a gap.

Take care of yourself so you never have to rely on anyone else to do it for you. Use your single time to be the best version of yourself and stay single until you find the person that fits the whole you.

Featured image courtesy of unsplash.