12 Big Lessons Women Learned to Never Repeat in Your Future Relationships
Relationships deliver life lessons. Even ones that end badly teach us telltale signs to recognize in the future. We also learn to be more assertive regarding what we want and do not want. It’s like anything else in life. Here are some valuable assets to keep in mind in a new relationship.
1. When They Show You Who They Are
Another way to say this is to trust your gut. If something feels off, “there’s definitely a reason behind it,” a lady summed up. A handful of women cautioned justifying those warnings create a greater problem down the line. Don’t ignore your instinct. Don’t write off jokes that border on disturbing. Believe what they are showing you and leave.
2. No Mixed Signals
When you like someone, you show it, especially if they share your feelings. Yet, several women report men playing games, making them uncertain about where they stand. One of the best phrases a lady delivered on the subject is, “if he likes you, you’ll know; if he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.” That’s it in a nutshell. It’s not a guessing game with a vacation prize at the end.
3. Avoid a Fixer-Upper
A user wisely pointed out that it’s treating a partner’s mental illness is not their responsibility. It’s up to them to seek proper treatment. If they are unwilling to take that step, the best thing to do is end the relationship. Women spoke up about the toll it takes. Another talked about being the person placing an undue burden on their partner.
It’s simple; you can’t help someone who does not help themselves.
4. It’s Okay to End It
Truly wish someone had told me what this person commented, “you can end a relationship whenever you want.” It might sound simple and obvious, but it’s easy to forget. Learning that it’s okay to leave and that you do not need to suffer in an acrimonious relationship. Nor, as another user swiftly pointed out, does there need to be red flags to end it. If you fall out of love is a good enough reason.
5. Have the Hard Conversations
Chemistry between partners is not all that makes a relationship. A woman discussed everything with her future husband when they dated, then again years later when they were engaged to ensure everything still lined up. Ask and answer questions about finances, religion, family, all of it. It will eventually become an insurmountable obstacle if you don’t see eye-to-eye on topics that matter. Find out early and spare both of you time and heartbreak.
6. Sulking Is No Bueno
Sulking or silent treatment is a form of abuse. They are not kids, but they’re throwing a tantrum nonetheless. A single woman jokingly said her ex was clingy, so it gave her a slight reprieve from that. But there is a difference between the “malicious intent” of silent treatment and a “freeze reaction” due to trauma, as another clarified. Still, the consensus is too many older men act like kids when they do not get their way.
7. Look For A Pattern
Several women mentioned paying attention to how partners treat their mothers and exes. If they are disrespectful or label all their exes “crazy,” chances are they are the issue, and those partners were victims of gaslighting. It’s not a tried and true method, as not all mothers are good. But if everyone woman in their life is the supposed problem, it’s time they look inward.
8. Lashing Out
A telltale sign of abuse is lashing out, whether verbal or physical. As one lady asserts, do not fall for “he can’t express himself properly.” It will only worsen if they’re not seeking help for that. One lady dropped a gem. If they can control themselves with others, it’s “not about controlling themselves, it’s about controlling you.” Don’t be a punching bag, in any sense, for someone’s bad mood.
9. Not Liking Yourself in a Relationship
Women chimed in about this one. If you don’t like who you are in the relationship, the relationship is the issue. It’s the “I don’t like who I’ve become with you,” someone else added. In a healthy relationship, both parties bring out the best in each other. End it and reconnect with yourself.
10. Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
An important piece to take into future relationships, a poster stressed, when in a relationship, each issue should be something both parties want to resolve together. A different person summed it up by emphasizing how you fight is more important than how you love. You should feel like you’re on the same team, not opponents in a ring.
11. Boundaries Matter
All relationships should have boundaries. They are essential to make any relationship work long-term. A couple of women agreed it’s beneficial to both parties. With that, open communication is a must. Speak up when something is an issue. If you let it slide, it will be harder to change down the road because a pattern of behavior has built up.
12. Do Not Lose Yourself
Often in relationships, women can lose themselves to the point they wonder who they are without their partner. Never lose sight of who you are, your dreams, and your values. A poster agreed that compromise is essential, but no woman should sacrifice herself for it. Some things are non-negotiable, and it’s okay to make that clear.
This thread inspired this post.