When it comes to past relationships, many people can point at specific red flags that, in retrospect, meant everything was doomed from the start. In fact, many people have stories of cheating exes, lying, and manipulation that directly led to the demise of their relationships. We all can agree that these are major red flags – but what about the eventual red flags that seem pretty harmless at first?
Dealbreakers are common in relationships, and there are plenty of low-key personality traits that can spell disaster if they are left unattended.
It’s great when you enter a relationship with somebody who seems to think the way you do. Everything seems to be running smoothly and there’s a general feeling of “being on the same page” as somebody else. But according to one person, “After a while you realize they never make any decisions and just go with whatever you want to do, which makes it so that you make literally all the decisions,” they revealed. “It’s exhausting.”
2. Always Being Funny
Having a partner who incorporates humor into his or her personality is great – but if “being funny” is the dominant trait in the relationship, it often can lead to destroying the relationship. “It’s fine to be funny, but it becomes a problem when the person prioritizes being funny over being kind,” one woman said.
“They’ll say something critical or sarcastic and try to hide behind humor. Or, ‘being funny’ is such a big part of their identity that they will prioritize that over every else.” It wasn’t surprising that many people agreed with this person’s point.
For many people, it’s a tough pill to swallow when they realize their partner’s passiveness is used to hide their lack of ambition. Talk about a dealbreaker! “Turns out they were passive about everything, including what they wanted for their future, career, money, etc.,” revealed one bitter ex-boyfriend. “There wasn’t one thing in their life that they desired for themselves.”
Like most of these traits, in the beginning, finding somebody who truly cares about making other people happy can feel like you won the relationship lottery. After all, who wouldn’t want to date a kind person who values being liked by everybody they come across? Unfortunately, as this woman revealed, the shine quickly wears off.
“I used to think they were generous people with kind hearts, but over time I learned not to trust them because they’re not true to themselves and are very resentful due to their inability to say how they really feel,” she confessed.
5. Conflict Avoidance
Nobody enjoys fighting during the early parts of a relationship, but the reality is that sometimes conflict needs to be resolved – and not ignored. “Nobody wants to fight all the time, but an inability to disagree without shutting down completely is not sustainable in an adult relationship,” one person stated.
“It only builds resentment.” We agree with many relationship experts when they say that sometimes conflict is unavoidable – but the resolution that follows only serves to make the relationship stronger in the end.
6. Being a Social Butterfly
Dating a social butterfly can be exciting, especially for more introverted people who love being associated with their partner who is constantly the center of attention.
Unfortunately, as one woman revealed, you shouldn’t be surprised if your partner is using his social abilities to further a shady narrative. “It turns out he was always seeing who he could reel in for later and had more backburners than a restaurant,” she lamented.
The lesson here is simple: there’s a thin line between a social butterfly and an absolute scumbag.
7. Lack of Education
Don’t get us wrong, there is nothing wrong with being less educated than others. However, when that lack of education translates into a boring relationship filled with surface-level conversations, then problems seem to arise quickly. “At first, it seemed like no big deal, he was able to provide, he did well in life,” one ex-girlfriend admitted.
“But that lack of quality conversation was just so boring.”
We’ve all known people like this before, but we’ll let one particularly savvy dater explain it. “At first it felt like fun banter, but after a few years, it was exhausting how he ALWAYS had to be right,” she revealed. “Couldn’t even have minor disagreements like who the actor in a movie was without it becoming a whole thing, never mind if we actually needed to discuss something serious.”
Sadly, many people chimed in to say that disputatious people rarely change for the better, and it’s not surprising that this is considered a dealbreaker in many relationships.
Confidence is a rare trait that everybody wishes their partner has, but only to a certain point. “Confidence can very easily turn into condescension, and that quickly seeps into all interactions and builds animosity,” one relationship expert said. Other people agreed, with more than a few admitting that they got “sick” of condescending remarks and comments.
Finally, one woman made it perfectly clear that being indecisive is an absolute dealbreaker in her book. “It always annoyed me that he had no opinion on what he wanted to eat or watch,” she said. “But someday, when he met someone he was interested in and the time came to choose between her and me, he had no idea how to choose.
That’s when I realized I had to make all the decisions all the time. I even had to make the decision to end our relationship because he wasn’t able to choose.”
While we don’t envy that woman’s position, we’re glad she made the right decision – it sounded like her relationship was doomed unless she took a stance and made her choice.
This thread inspired this post.
Original Article on The Female Professional